I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
