Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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