i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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