I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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