I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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