In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
