im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
