Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
