I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
