Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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