my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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