the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
