i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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