dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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