she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
