I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
