im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
