Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
