Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
