I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
