I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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