She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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