My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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