my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
