pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
