Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
