Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This baby is an asshole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
