i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do herpes really smell.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
