theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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