Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
