it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
