I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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