Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
