Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
