one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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