no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
