so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
