Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
