You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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