you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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