I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
