Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
