The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
