I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
