Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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