party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
