You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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