He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
