So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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