A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
